If Your Boyfriend Has Beef Tell Him I'm a Vegetarian
It starts innocently enough.
Neito sits down in the cafeteria where he always does, next to Kendou at the table where most of class 1-B spends their lunch hour. He doesn't talk to anyone except for his usual absentminded jabs when he hears something remotely interesting, instead trying to find something interesting on his phone.
He doesn't, because he's bored out of his mind and has been all day. Today has been an absolute slog; he only has classes he hates and hero training isn't focused on combat skill or anything physical, so he doesn't even have that to look forward to.
He doesn't expect that to change as quickly as it does.
A notification pops up on his phone. An unknown number wants to AirDrop him a picture. At first glance, the preview doesn't look like much; just some stupid meme with the "you know I had to do it to em" guy in it. Whoever it is probably just wants to tease him with a joke he's heard at least twenty times before that has never been funny.
At second glance, the preview is much more than just some stupid meme.
"Okay." He slaps both his hands down on the table and stands up, glaring at everyone at the table one by one. "Which one of you fuckers just AirDropped me loss?"
No one says a word. Pony tries to hide a giggle behind her hands.
"If it was one of us, wouldn't you know?" Kendou asks.
Neito frowns. She's right, the number that sent him the meme in question was just that: a number. He has everyone in his class as a contact.
"Why would anyone send you something if they didn't know you?" Awase adds on.
"Because everyone wants a piece of my ass," Neito replies, "Next question."
"You're ridiculous," Kendou mutters.
Neito ignores her, instead looking around the cafeteria to try and spot anyone acting suspicious. He doesn't see anything. Everyone is just sitting around their respective tables, eating lunch and talking with their friends. A few people are sitting alone on their phones, but they seem like the people who are always sitting alone on their phones, so he doesn't make anything of them. Maybe he should.
The next day, he walks into the cafeteria with heightened awareness of everything and everyone. If the same thing happens again, he'll be ready.
As soon as he sits down, he sees it: a bunch of the Class A assholes are gathered around someone's phone, the weird girl with the pink skin. They're all laughing.
He should have known.
"Monoma, where are you going?" Kendou asks, "Our table's over here."
"Yeah, I'll be over there in a second." Neito starts walking toward the 1-A table - or what's been deemed the 1-A table, none of the tables here are actually assigned - with confidence in every step.
It's payback time.
"What are you all doing over here?" He asks, leaning over the redhead's shoulder.
"Nothing," the girl says with a snicker. Which means it's not nothing.
"Then you wouldn't mind if I took a look , would you?" Neito lunges into a gap between heads. No one can stop him now. Game over.
It's a picture of Bakugou. Specifically, Bakugou wearing a suit and shooting a downright smolder at the camera. The top button of his shirt is undone and he's not wearing a tie.
"What the hell is that?" Neito asks.
"Bakugou's going to be in an ad in this magazine in a few weeks," the tape guy explains.
"Oh." Neito scowls. Not only is this not what he was looking for, it's worse.
He spins around and books it to the 1-B table without looking back.
"What were you even doing?" Kendou asks when he sits down, "I was going to drag you back here if you didn't cut it out."
"Don't worry!" Neito takes his phone out of his pocket. "It's nothing, promise."
It buzzes in his hand.
"What's that?" Kendou leans over to look at the screen and giggles. "Looks like you have a secret admirer."
Neito wouldn't call it that, but the same person from yesterday - of course, he can only assume it's the same person from yesterday - is trying to AirDrop him something again. At least it isn't loss this time.
"Monoma has a secret admirer?" Pony asks from across the table.
"Yeah, check it out!" Kendou plucks Neito's phone out of his hand and displays it for everyone to see.
Pony frowns. "That's a weird way to flirt."
Tetsutetsu snorts.
"Whatever." Neito takes his phone back and accepts the picture. That might come in handy later.
But the important thing is that he can retaliate. He finds another picture and AirDrops it right back to them.
"That's the one you're going with?" Awase leans over from Neito's other side. "If you're getting into a meme war with this guy, you can't half-ass it."
Tetsutetsu doubles over laughing, about to dunk his face in his food. "A meme war?!"
Neito rolls his eyes. It can't really be described as anything else.
But he's going to win.
The so-called meme war continues for months, and when they come back from summer vacation, it only gets more intense. It's not long before all of Class B joins in, gathering around Neito's phone to give him unsolicited voice and send their own ammunition. All the while, Neito keeps looking around the cafeteria, trying to figure out who's behind it all, but he can't do it.
"Hold on," Tsuburaba says, holding his phone up, "I've got one."
Neito's not worried about getting the upper hand here. He just got sent a picture of a Home Depot sign but the lights for the M and E aren't working so it says The Ho Depot instead. That's easy to beat. "Okay, hit me," he says.
Tsuburaba sends him the picture, and after a moment of deliberation, Neito pays it forward.
"Why are we doing this again?" Shiozaki asks.
"I don't think it matters." Tetsutetsu grins. "You wouldn't happen to have anything, would you?"
Shiozaki blinks. "I have one."
"Lay it on me." Tetsutetsu glances at her phone only to burst out laughing. "Oh my god, send that to Monoma!"
"Send what to me?" Neito asks, only for his phone to buzz with the arrival of the picture in question a second later.
It's so stupid but so perfect at the same time.
"This guy doesn't stand a chance," he says as he sends it.
It's Neito's idea to start inviting Shinsou to the 1-B table after the joint training session. He hasn't been placed in either of the hero course classes yet - and there's still no guarantee that he'll get into any of them, though that seems pretty unlikely - but he should know right out of the gate which one is better.
"Hi, Shinsou!" Kendou greets him warmly when he walks over to the table on the first day. They've all saved a seat for him, the one across the table from Neito between Tetsutetsu and Kuroiro.
"Hey," Shinsou says, setting his lunch tray down.
"Oi, Monoma," Awase says, "Have you told him?"
Neito gives him a confused look. "Told him what?"
"About... you know!" He holds up his phone with a sly smile.
"Oh!" Neito turns to Shinsou and smirks. "So a few months ago, this guy started AirDropping me weird memes during lunch and I don't know who they are, so there's a war going on right now and if you have any ammo, you should send it to me."
"It sounds stupid, but it's actually really fun," Kendou adds, "It's, like, a Class B bonding thing now."
Shinsou blinks, taken aback. "...Okay?" He takes his phone out of his pocket. "I don't have your number, though."
"Give me your phone, I'll put it in." Neito reaches across the table to grab the phone and open the contacts app, quickly typing in his name and number. "Here you go," he says as he hands it back.
Shinsou still looks like he's not sure what's going on as he takes the phone and taps the screen a few times.
Neito gets the text a few seconds later.
"Oh my god-" He tries to hold his laughter behind his hand and fails. "Shinsou, what the fuck?!"
"It's what I had," Shinsou says.
"It's perfect!" Neito saves both of the pictures to his camera roll and AirDrop them to the guy's phone. "You're pretty good at this."
Shinsou frowns. "Thanks."
The pictures get declined.
Neito's AirDrop Admirer, as the rest of the class has started calling them, doesn't retaliate at lunch that day. They don't retaliate for the rest of the day, either, but that's probably just because they're out of range. But with Shinsou's help, Neito has plenty to work with when they eventually strike back.
The next day, he has his phone out before he even gets to the cafeteria, ready for whatever they have to send him.
"You seem excited," Kendou says.
"Yeah, a little." Neito smirks. He just needs-
His phone buzzes. The AirDrop notification pops up.
This is different.
"Holy crap," Kendou whispers.
"Shinsou Hitoshi would like to share a photo"
Neito just stares at the screen in disbelief for a few seconds. The nerve, the audacity, the betrayal , it all shocks him so much that he can only say one thing in response.
"Mother fucker !"
Source: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16160132
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